


What Do You Do With A Drunk Togruta?

by AuthorToBeNamedLater



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8004583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorToBeNamedLater/pseuds/AuthorToBeNamedLater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rex and Fives decide to have a little fun with Ahsoka on leave, and things get out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Do You Do With A Drunk Togruta?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm starting a new job next week, so my writing time is about to go to zero. This is one of two fics I want to post before I go back to living like a grown up.

“You call General Skywalker.”

“No, you call him.”

Kix gritted his teeth. Of all the places he did not want to be at 0200 the first day of leave, in the medical bay at the GAR compound tending to a thoroughly drunk Ahsoka Tano had to top the list. Add to that listening to Rex and Fives bicker about who got to inform their general and it definitely topped the list.

“Maybe we should try General Kenobi instead,” Fives bargained.

Kix rolled his eyes. Kenobi might have a reputation as the softer touch of the two generals, but Fives and Rex were out of their genetically identical minds if they thought Kenobi would cut them any slack.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rex said glumly. “Either way General Skywalker’s going to find out and give us latrine duty.”

“You both deserve it,” Kix shot at his fellow troopers. He stuck an IV in Commander Tano’s arm. She didn’t even twitch.

“We didn’t think—” Fives started.

“That much is obvious,” Kix grumbled.

“Who knew the commander couldn’t hold her liquor?”

Kix whirled around to face his brothers. “Look at her. How much liquor do you think she can hold?”

“She didn’t have much,” Rex offered lamely.

“What did you give her?” Kix turned back to the commander.

“Nubian bourbon.”

Kix turned around again, eyebrows raised. “Nubian bourbon?! That can put down a bantha!”

“Only two shots,” Fives said. Like that made a difference.

Sometimes, it seemed as if the engineers on Kamino had neglected to ensure clones’ brains would mature as fast as their bodies. “You’re both idiots,” Kix informed his brothers. “General Skywalker will have your hide.”

“Kix, we really weren’t trying to hurt her,” Rex said. “We just wanted to have some fun.”

The 501st’s medic scrubbed his hands over his face. Even through his irritation and fatigue, he knew Rex was right. The two hadn’t meant any harm to their commander.

And yet here Tano was, drunk off her backside at the GAR barracks.

“Listen, it’s late.” Kix dropped his hands to his sides. “Let’s keep her here tonight, and at first light _I’ll_ call General Skywalker and you two can face the music.”

.

.

.

_“General. General Skywalker, sir. Are you there?”_

Anakin groped for his comlink on the nightstand. “What is it?” He mumbled without so much as opening his eyes.

_“It’s Kix, sir. We need you at the GAR compound.”_

Now Anakin did open his eyes. It was 0630 and he was on leave. If one of his men was going to com in, Anakin would have expected Rex or Fives. Maybe even Cody. Not Kix.

Unless something had gone wrong.

“What happened, Kix?”

Padme stirred and blinked her eyes open. Anakin silenced his wife with a finger to his lips. Clones gossiped like teenage girls, and the last thing Anakin needed was his men swapping tales that General Skywalker had a woman in his bed. _Though technically, I guess I’m in hers._

_“That’s a story best told in person, general.”_

.

.

.

An hour later Anakin stood just outside the medical ward at the GAR compound with a remorseful Rex and Fives sitting on the metal bench in front of him and a sleepy- and annoyed-looking Kix leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed.

Anakin looked at Rex and Fives. “Start talking.” He set his hands on his hips.

The duo looked at each other.

“Rex. Talk,” Anakin said tersely.

“Sir, we were just trying to have some fun—” Rex started.

Anakin wasn’t interested in editorializing. “Tell me why you got my Padawan so drunk she couldn’t remember her own name.”

“It wasn’t quite that bad, sir,” Fives broke in.

Anakin focused on the ARC trooper with a look that would have melted Hoth. “Are you Rex?” He brought his gaze back to the shaven-headed trooper. “Keep going.”

Rex cleared his throat. “Right. Well, Fives and I were going to 79’s—”

“To where?” Anakin interrupted.

“79’s,” Rex repeated.

“79’s?”

“Yes, sir. The clone bar?”

Anakin raised his eyebrows. “A bar for clones.”

“Yes, general.”

“They let her in?” Anakin bit out.

“Of course they did,” Fives said like it was nothing.

“Ahsoka isn’t even old enough for a place like that.” Anakin’s tone cut like a lightsaber.

“Technically speaking, sir, neither are we,” Rex pointed out.

“If you’re old enough to fight you’re old enough to drink,” Fives piped up.

“I hope you were prepared to explain that to the Coruscant Guard.” Anakin’s patience was running out. “All right. So you went to this 79’s place.”

“Yes, sir. And we thought Commander Tano could use a break too so we invited her along.”

“And got her hammered,” Anakin said flatly.

“That wasn’t the plan, general,” Rex rushed out.

“Tell him what you gave her,” Kix broke in.

Anakin glanced at Kix, then back at Rex.

“Nubian bourbon,” Rex informed.

 _Nubian bourbon?_ Anakin wrinkled his nose. _Amateurs._

“But only two shots!” Rex went on. “We thought the commander would get looped, not…pass out on the floor.”

Anakin dropped his forehead into one hand.

“Told you,” Rex muttered to Fives. “Latrine duty.”

Anakin picked up his head and glared at his troopers. “You’ll beg for latrine duty by the time I’m done with you.”

“General, we didn’t mean for this to happen,” Fives said earnestly. “Do whatever you want to us, but we never would have taken her to 79’s if we’d known this would happen.”

“We called Kix and brought her back here as soon as we knew she was in trouble,” Rex continues.

Anakin looked at the two clones. “Where’s Ahsoka now?”

“She’s right inside,” Kix said tiredly. “Come on; I’ll take you to her.”

Anakin’s irritation melted into sympathetic amusement as he took in Ahsoka lying curled on her side. She looked utterly pathetic, her red-orange skin turned a sickly gray and the stripes on her lekku pale.

“Snips,” Anakin called softly, resting a hand on his Padawan’s forehead. “Hey, Ahsoka. You in there?”

“Masssser…” Ahsoka slurred. “Not so loud.”

Anakin bit his lip to hold back a smile. “I’m gonna take you home, OK?”

Kix cleared his throat. “She’ll be all right in a day or so, sir. Just make sure she doesn’t get dehydrated.” He removed the IV from Ahsoka’s arm and pressed a bandage over the small puncture.

Anakin nodded and looked back at Ahsoka. “Can you walk, Snips? Or am I carrying you back to the Temple?”

Ahsoka sat up and leaned her forehead on Anakin’s sternum. “Never drinking again.”

“Hmph,” Kix huffed.

Anakin gave his medic an amused glance. “Heard that one before?”

“I’ve said it before,” Kix said with a wry smile.

“Put your arms around my neck, Ahsoka,” Anakin instructed gently. When Ahsoka obeyed, Anakin slid his other arm under her knees and hefted her against his chest.

_I’m sure Obi-Wan would say this is payback for that time I got the flu and he had to carry me back from the Halls of Healing._

“General,” Kix lightly took Anakin’s elbow. “If I may?”

Anakin nodded.

“Rex and Fives really didn’t mean any harm,” Kix murmured. “They just wanted to unwind a little and thought the commander would too. Please, don’t come down on them too hard.”

Anakin slid a glance to Rex and Fives. They looked so regretful that Anakin felt the irritated knot in his chest loosen a little. “I’ll be fair,” he promised Kix. “But don’t tell them that.”

Kix smiled a little. “Never.”

Anakin adjusted his hold on Ahsoka and made his way out of the medical ward. “I’ll deal with you two later,” he said to Rex and Fives.

“We’re sorry, general,” the troopers chorused in unison.

“Don’t apologize to me,” Anakin said.

“We’re sorry,” Rex said to Ahsoka’s unconscious form.

Fives cleared his throat. “Yeah. Sorry.”

 _Indeed you are._ Anakin strode out of the compound, deposited Ahsoka in the passenger seat of his speeder, and set off for the Jedi Temple.

 _No, scratch that._ Anakin headed for the Senate District instead. He’d take Ahsoka back to Padme’s. He didn’t need any questions about why he was carrying an unconscious Padawan through the halls of the Jedi Temple.

.

.

.

“Guess how I spent my first day of leave.”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and looked up at his old Padawan. “Good morning, Anakin. And how are you today?”

Anakin didn’t answer. “Seriously. Take a guess.”

Obi-Wan stood. He’d come to the Room of A Thousand Fountains intending to meditate, but Anakin had shattered those plans. As usual. “Let’s take a walk.” Whatever was bothering Anakin, sitting still would only make it worse.

“Now, tell me about your first day of leave,” Obi-Wan said calmly once they had entered the hallway.

“Fives and Rex got Ahsoka plastered.”

Obi-Wan hadn’t expected that. “Really?”

“Really,” Anakin grumped. “Ever heard of a place called 79’s?”

“No.”

“Well.” Anakin took a holoprojector off his belt and activated it. The site for 79’s flashed to life. “Here it is.”

“Ahsoka isn’t even old enough to go in there,” Obi-Wan mused.

“Yeah, well, I guess when you can breed a million men to fight a war for you nobody cares about the drinking age,” Anakin groused, and Obi-Wan barely disguised a chuckle.

"You know what they gave her?"

"What?"

"Nubian bourbon."

Obi-Wan grimaced. Rookies.

“The idea of a bar for clones seems to unsettle you.” Obi-Wan changed the subject slightly as the duo continued their walk.

“I don’t know, I never imagined Rex in a place like…” Anakin waved his hand at the image “that!”

Obi-Wan shut off the projector. “What did you think they spent their leave doing, cleaning their blasters?”

“Maybe?”

“As you and I are both rather fond of observing, Anakin, the clones _are_ men,” Obi-Wan pointed out.

“So are we, and we don’t spend our leave doing shots,” Anakin grumbled.

“Right,” Obi-Wan drawled. “We meditate.”

“And sit in Council meetings,” Anakin added.

“And practice our katas,” Obi-Wan went on.

“So many katas,” Anakin sighed.

“No self-respecting Jedi would ever patronize an establishment such as 79’s,” Obi-Wan said with finality.

They’d reached the turbolift at the end of the hall and, though they didn’t really need to go anywhere, Obi-Wan pushed the down button.

“Right,” Anakin agreed. “Twi’lek strippers, I mean, who wants to see—”

The door swished open revealing none other than one Aayla Secura.

Obi-Wan and Anakin froze.

If Aayla had heard any of the preceding conversation, she didn’t show it. “Master Kenobi, Jedi Skywalker,” she greeted with a respectful nod.

“Aayla,” Obi-Wan reciprocated shortly.

“Master Secura.” Anakin almost managed to sound normal.

Aayla disappeared around the corner and Obi-Wan and Anakin stepped into the lift.

Anakin pushed a button. Obi-Wan didn’t see which one.

“Well, your shields are locked up like a Banking Clan vault,” Anakin observed dryly.

“So are yours,” Obi-Wan shot back.

Neither Jedi spoke again for a solid five minutes.


End file.
